I should preface this by saying that I’ve always thought of myself as a Jerry girl, and I’ll be a Jerry girl until the day my dancing bones are scattered through the wind, as he lovingly sings me back home.

And man, I love Phil Lesh. I mean, I LOVE Phil Lesh, heart and soul.

As my parents used to maddeningly insist, “We love each of you equally— just differently.” I love them both in that deep and enduring way you feel about a favorite uncle, an older brother, a cherished family friend.

So, while this is in no way a comprehensive piece on Phil Lesh, no self-respecting Deadhead could write about a lifetime of adventure and fun with the Grateful Dead without at least beginning a tribute, an homage, and a love letter to the man who continues to move me on a daily basis, and weaves ‘an unbroken chain of you and me’.

Anyone who knows me will testify that I’ve been one of Phil’s biggest fans ever since Mr. Lesh landed his psychedelic spaceship on the great lawn of the Meadows Music Center in Hartford, on July 21, 2001. This phenomenal show proceeded to blow the entire audience through the musical multiverse at warp speed: complex and musically sophisticated, many serious fans include this performance as one of our favorite post-Jerry shows to date. Since that time, I have made good on my vow to “get as much of my Phil” as much as humanly possible in the time that we have left.

The Phil Lesh Quintet

Lucky for me, my first Phil Lesh and Friends shows in 2001 just happened coincide with the most incredible lineup: “The Quintet”, aka “PLQ, also known affectionately by hard-core fans simply as “The Q.” This stellar band consisted of Jimmy Herring (guitar), John Molo, (one of my favorite drummers, and whom I refer to as The Lion King), Warren Haynes (guitar and vocals), and Rob Barraco (vocals and keys, and whom I affectionately refer to as Headband). The PLQ definitely had a hard driving, fast pace, as well as what Phil liked to refer to as a “Dixieland-style rock” sound, thanks to Warren Haynes and Jimmy Herring’s southern roots and clean, jazzy, soaring style. Think: Allman Brothers meets Grateful Dead meets Philip Glass meets Widespread Panic and throw in a little avant garde classical).

After this show, my Deadhead heart reawakened after too long of a hibernation, I searched for and stumbled across an amazing and ridiculous dysfunctional community of other hardcore Phil fans who gathered on the now sadly defunct Philzone.com and Philzone.org (although .com is partially archived and still up in a limited version). Started by phans (shoutout to Brent, Schnee, Jen, Rob, and Lenny) for the phans, this group of truly stellar and rabid Phil fans shared many misadventures and magical moments over the years, touring together, loving each other, and having so much drama that it would burn off both of your ears.. but only in the best way, looking back. In fact, this was Phil and Jill’s private response to our Philzone “salute”.

The Philzone led me to some unprecedented events, such as Phil Lesh University, on November 8, 2006, where Phil offered up the opportunity to his fans to audition and if accepted, enroll in two master classes he taught, culminating in the “graduation”, where they played with Lesh, John Scofield, Rob Barraco, and Jaz Sawyer for two sets, as rotating guest players at SOB’s nightclub in New York. You can be sure that this opportunity was a life highlight for me and for some of my Zoner clan, and will most certainly be a future feature in this blog.

Searching For The Sound

Although Phil is a maestro, and a hard driving taskmaster, he also acknowledges wonder at the mystery of communion that can transpire when things flow “just so”.

I used to say – not facetiously – that every place we play is church. And what is church, really? It’s a place where people come together to get outside themselves and deal with something bigger. In our case, it’s not us that they’re dealing with that’s bigger than them, it’s the totality of the combination of us and them – that community, that actual spiritual oneness in the moment. (from 2009 Relix interview with Dave Schools)

In fact, many of us can be overheard greeting each other with a wink and a nod, “See ya in church!”— knowing full well that any show has the potential to yield moments of spiritual bliss. Phil embraces the mystery, plunging willingly into the Great Unknown, often soaring in between those heavenly notes that reveal new space to explore. Little musical miracles happen every time Phil is involved, which he beautifully attributes to willingness:

“What you can do is prepare yourself to be open; open for the pipeline to open and the magic to flow down through us. It means leaving yourself behind. It’s not a question of, Oh God, don’t let me fuck up, or anything like that. It’s a question of, “Here I am. Work me, Lord.” (from 2009 Relix interview with Dave Schools)

Phil has always been about “searching for the sound”, and isn’t that truly the essence of what we are all seeking with the Grateful Dead?